Last morning, we were walking in the park and we met my daughter’s friend Naomi (name changed) and her parents. Amidst all the social banter, inevitably parents start talking about their children, I have always felt, there is a serious need for brain food for all parents. We all need to be on a  diet which stimulates thinking beyond children and schools. As expected, inevitably the conversation meandered towards children. The man points at his daughter and with a genuine concern says that his daughter is too thin and has stick like legs. The mother too chimes, in echoing this sentiment, goes on to state that it’s probably because she does not have muscular legs and hence prefers not to wear skirts or short dresses. Both were genuinely concerned and worried. The conversation was becoming like a stereotypical art movie with pathetic and piteous plot. There were these lamentable friends trailing their huge life threatening problems.

Suddenly, under a bright blue sky there were five pair of eyes staring at the 8 year old girl’s legs. A lady standing next to us joined the conversation and started talking about how fat their child was her concern was that he had a huge appetite.  Now, there were ten pairs of eyes looking at two innocent, happy, beautiful and healthy children playing with each other. These children could hear everything that was being said and discussed, the little girl even exchanged small shy glances with me but the boy was simply nonchalant at-least he pretended so.

I was very angry with myself and them as to how unknowingly we were damaging our children by body shaming them. I was unable to say or do anything, I was crippled and conditioned to treat it is as normal parenting. A feeling of discomfort stayed with me through the week. I had behaved as per the accepted standards of appropriateness in a social set up- ‘She is not my child, it is not my problem and they are friends’.

All our adult life we hear of how curvy women should be and how a good arse should be?  Women have to strive to take their place as normal humans? Why do women have to be pretty and look and behave in a certain way? Society finds humor in body shaming a woman’s body and today it is no longer a woman’s issue but a problem for both genders. It is rampant and I see it in every household, the boys and men have to be fit and macho like and women have to be pretty, demure, sexy and appealing. Partners and society continue with the ditzy acts of glorifying ‘the body type’. We have poor choice of words when it comes to expressing concern and positive reinforcement.

As parents we need to mock any such comments as they go much beyond just being mere puerile acts.  If a parent, grandparent or an aunt, uncle how much ever loving they are, which ever planet they come from, if they comment on the physical aspects of your child, please speak up.  Importantly, teach your child to speak up.

Last evening, my daughter suddenly tells me that while I was fetching ice-cream, she had gone on to tell her friend’s father that Naomi was a good athlete and that she is her best friend. She went on to say that he was wrong and making her sad. On hearing this, there was a big sense of closure in my mind.

Please know that you are a declared bully and an insensitive human being, if you comment negatively on any physical or mental attribute of anyone especially a child. There is nothing call perfection or a perfect body, it is being and doing best to what one can and is able to!
https://www.bonobology.com/retake-and-action/?fbclid=IwAR28d7wwEwrhlGdLIV3BSx_ucJhKtzvpErwfwk5vX1OwEkhpZlchyohPSL8